We must be hatched.
When you are ready to fulfill your destiny, contact me at VickiTillmanCoaching.com
10 Rules for Being an Awesome Mother of the Bride
There’s nothing quite like being the mother of the bride! In my years as a coach and counselor, I’ve heard stories of Momzillas and stories of Mom Heroes. I only have one daughter, so when she married a couple of years ago, I was determined to be more Mom Hero than Momzilla.
Here are 10 rules I learned about being a likable mother of the bride:
1. Be Nice
Be nice, be nice, be nice.
Weddings can be high stress, even if it is positive high stress. Weddings and wedding planning is the best place for learning to manage yourself well. A little fruit of the spirit is needed, so pray a lot. When you need some extra debriefing and support, it’s time to get some coaching. Contact me.
2. It is your daughter’s wedding
Not yours. Let her and her fiancé make decisions about the wedding– even if they want to do something pretty stupid. Fortunately for me, my kids were pretty low key and smart. In fact, I really wasn’t tempted to try to make any of their decisions. My daughter bounced LOTS of ideas off me, but I did my best to be quiet and let her decide. It was fun to watch her choose colors, flowers, announcements, etc.
I’ve heard stories about wedding plans that seemed ridiculous, but when the mother of the bride allowed the bride and groom to *make mistakes* things turned out okay. It is best to back off and be a support.
3. Keep financial boundaries
Some brides forget the budget. If you’re paying it’s fine to say, “I can’t go over our agreed upon amount” and stick to it. My daughter was very good with the budget. There were some extras that she wanted so she and her fiancé footed that bill.
4. Make up your mind to have fun
Weddings are fun. Wedding planning is fun. But only if you make up your mind to have fun. So have fun! Fun, fun, fun!!
5. Treat your son-in-law with respect and friendliness
You’re investing in the future. Throughout the planning and on the wedding day, be sure to be courteous to him. Be friendly.
Think about it. Do you want to be so stubborn or sharp that you leave him with a bad memory of you? Do you want them to think of ways to avoid you when the grandkids come along? Invest in the relationship now.
Fortunately for me, my daughter married a terrific guy who took no effort at all to be friendly with but I’ve heard some mothers of the bride fuss that their son-in-law was *stealing her from us* or *not good enough for her*. Useless frame of mind that makes the future family relationships more difficult.
The day before my daughter’s wedding, a friend bought a manicure party for the bride, bridesmaids, the new mom-in-law, my friend and myself. It was a special bonding time. Even if you don’t have a friend who likes to bless you with special events, it is a good idea to think of something easy and fun to do with the group of ladies involved with the wedding.
7. Food is always needed
There are so many times during the wedding process that food will be needed. You can be a real blessing if you show up with thoughtful snacks to dress fittings, decoration-preparation days, and getting-dressed-for-the-wedding morning.
We got off easy- the worst that happened on the wedding day (I think), is that the dads’ boutonnieres were lost in someone’s shuffle. We improvised with some flowers out of the flower girl’s bouquet. But I have known outdoor weddings blown around by thunderstorms, receptions with the food orders missing, ring bearers who won’t advance down the aisle…
The point is: Shake your fist at the chaos (not each other) and make good things happen for the bride and groom.
9. Weddings will have crashers, plan extras
No matter how carefully you make your guest list, someone will show up uninvited. Keep the boundaries you can and find serenity with the boundaries you can’t keep. If you have extra everything, you can relax.
Imagine, days of preparation for the wedding, a long wedding day- then you come home with all the leftover wedding paraphernalia and gifts. It took two weeks for me to get the house under control after the wedding. It is a good time to take it slow and include some extra self-care. Do some mindfulness: download a freebie like Progressive Relaxation How-to, or Ignatian Examen How-to, or Summer Mindfulness Coloring Pages.
One of my favorite types of coaching is the supportive coaching I get to share with mothers of the bride. Contact me when it is your turn for that wonderful job!
May all your kids’ weddings be blessed events. May your blood pressure stay healthy while you have fun!
This is what happens to Omega Moms!
I homeschooled my 5 kids in a community of LOTS of homeschooling families. My youngest graduated high school in a crop of about 30 peers. Many of his graduating friends were also the youngest in their families. There were so many of us moms experiencing the youngest getting ready to journey off into life that we were a phenomena! A phenomena needs a name, so one of the dads christened us: Omega Moms.
ANY MOM WHOSE YOUNGEST GRADUATES HIGH SCHOOL IS AN OMEGA MOM!
In the old days, we would have been called *Empty Nesters*. Omega Moms don’t really fit the Empty Nest moniker anymore.
An Empty Nest Mom is one who has been a stay-at-home mom who faces a crisis when the youngest graduates. What’s her purpose? What’s the meaning of life if she’s not raising kids?
We Omega Moms don’t fit that description. Many of us had already been working for pay AND raising our kids, or volunteering LOTS of ours with our kids. While we loved raising our kids, the feeling of crisis wasn’t the same as the loss felt by Empty Nest Moms of the last generation.
The crisis Omega Moms tend to feel revolves around questions like:
No matter how awesome those child-rearing years were, we moms never escape mother guilt. I have the immovable opinion that motherhood is all about guilt. That’s why we have a loving God who can be perfect for our kids- we can trust Him with the journey of their lives.
But what about us Omega Moms? What happens to us?
God keeps working in our lives, guiding us into new adventures and new trails. When we arrive at the Omega Mom part of life, our new (or maybe simply adjusted) journeys begin!
The Omega Moms that I know have tweaked career paths, launched into new careers, increased their community involvement, or have become full-time sandwich generation caregivers for parents and grandkids. We’ve been burned often enough in life that we are more determined to ditch dysfunctional organizations and look for those with healthier environments and attitudes to be involved with. We are experienced with life and with faith but wise enough to know we have a long way to go. We are willing to grow! We are confident in our ability to survive and make good things happen in adventure that comes.
Hooray for Omega Moms! Praise God we made it this far. The journey ahead will have lots of good!
Don’t get stuck! Here are 5 ways out of quarter-life crisis.
This is NOT the life you signed up for! Not the relationships you thought you’d be enjoying by now. Not the faith you thought you were going to be solid in. And definitely not the lifestyle you were planning on when you earned your degree to the tune of big student loans.
The 20-somethings I work with are often at a forced turning point in life. They cannot live happily the way things are. They are not alone: quarter-life crisis is huge in the western world. Britain’s Daily Mail reported up to 73% of young Brits are experiencing the same thing.
1) Get out of your own way. Go volunteer. You can’t figure out the way out of crisis by simply mulling on it. Get your mind on others. It is good for your soul and makes space for new ideas. (Not that you need to become a professional volunteer, it is simply good for the journey- and for the folks you help.)
2) Do new things. Sometimes a quarter-lifer’s world purely implodes. Same old routines, same old people, same old stuff, same old expectations aren’t doing the same thing for you anymore. Start doing one new thing each week. Find meetup groups that are prepping for cause-oriented 5ks, churches that are doing meaningful growth groups. Find organizations that are making life happen.
3) Acceptance. Life sucks. Well, not all the time. But parts of it do. Paying bills, especially student loans, sucks. Finding out that you’re not the top of the lineup in life is awful. Accept it, then find the things that are good and concentrate on them. You will find them when you look.
4) Re-evaluate. You might be able to switch or upgrade careers. But don’t do anything rash. Take a moment are re-evaluate who you are and what you’re about. If you aren’t sure or if you haven’t thought about it for a while, download the Trail Guide to Writing a Personal Mission Statement and the Trail Guide to Career Exploration for Adults. They are great first steps on a new portion of your life journey.
5) Get a mentor. That’s what Life Transitions Coaching is all about. It helps to have a wise guide through this part of your life journey. Contact me: I’ll help guide you through the quarter-life crisis and into the adventure of a fulfilling and meaningful life.
Need help with how to help teens choose a college major?
Some people are born knowing their life calling. Most of us discover that calling as we journey through life. It helps a lot if teens have a wise guide to help them. This can be a parent, mentor, or coach.
I am often asked by parents how to help teens choose a college major. Also, sometimes mentors, such as youth group leaders, need to have some tools to help their teens with that adventure.
Here are the suggestions that I share.
How to help teens choose a college major:
*Urge them to get busy. They don’t discover their calling by sitting still. Join organizations. Hang out with friends.
*Encourage them to try new things, earn lots of service hours.
*Help them arrange a chat with working adults and college students about why they chose what they chose (even if the teens are not interested in that career, the information helps).
*Guide them through a useful Career Exploration curriculum that reveals their gifts, talents, values, and the meaning of their life experiences so far. It helps if the curriculum helps them understand how to seek God’s will for them. (This is exactly the curriculum that I developed for teens The Career Exploration Bundle. You can find it at 7SistersHomeschool.com.)
*Show them how to tool around Onet.com to find career descriptions,level of training needed, and occupational outlook (job market of the near future). (This is the US Department of Labor’s tool for Career Exploration.)
*Help them look at several college websites for potential majors that train students for careers they have shown interest in. Look at local state, Christian and private colleges. Expand your search through Google or College Board’s Big Future page. Compare required courses for the majors in each of the colleges. This may vary widely. Compare entrance requirements. This is time consuming but vital because different colleges offer slightly different majors.
*Have them capture their discoveries in writing. What are their gifts/talents, interests, weaknesses, values? What have they learned from interviews, activities and service? Which college majors at which colleges look like they will fit best? Use the VickiTillmanCoaching.com freebie: How to Choose a College Major.
*Remind them that life is an adventure and that college major choice is a journey. They can’t know their entire life’s callings right now. God will direct their paths…being ON the path is the best way for teens to make themselves available to God’s directing.
*Contact me at Vicki@VickiTillmanCoaching.com to work with a wise guide with lots of experience in helping teens with the adventure of choosing college majors.
What is humility?
When you are ready to truly discover yourself, to go on the journey of self-respect, humility and joy, contact me at VickiTillmanCoaching.
What do you do when you absolutely must choose or re-choose a career?
Life happens. There are times when change comes whether you asked for it or not. What about those times when you must choose a career?
Or it happened that you must RE-choose a career?
What do you do? Here are 5 things that will actually help when you need to choose or re-choose a career.
Go have an adventure! God has you on a new career journey so enjoy the process. Contact me when you’d like to have a guide through the process!
Where you are right now matters. Where you are headed matters, too!
Where you are right now matters. Your life matters. Your gifts matter.
Remember that when you are in transition. Everyone goes through transitions…graduating high school or college, marriage, relocations, or simply times of feeling like “This is NOT what I signed up for…”.
It is easy to get stuck in a transition time. Easy but not necessary.
That’s what coaching is here for. To help guide you through those transitions, to help you find your way, to make the journey and ADVENTURE not a trauma.
Vicki Tillman will be your coach and guide as you:
If you are searching for a meaningful career, Vicki will help you:
If you are going through a life transition of any sort due to relocations, grief, or any other event that forces change in your life, Vicki will help you:
If you are going to get married (or are a young married couple) and are ready for DELIGHTFUL pre-marital coaching. Vicki will be your certified SYMBIS (Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts) facilitator. She will invite you to take the fun, online SYMBIS questionnaire and using those results, Vicki will help you:
Where you are matters. There is a good, meaningful, flourishing life ahead. Contact Vicki today to get your journey underway!